My "Four Letter" Words ~ F@#D

As I mentioned previously, I've have several failed attempts at starting a blog, one of which was "My Four Letter Words". I'm not talking about those words that got you beat as a child - @zz, B*, D@#%, S^&!. I'm talking about words that might not be bad for everyone but they're bad for me. The first word that might single handedly be ruining my life is...FOOD! And if you want to know how I really feel, I have to say F@#! F@#d!!!

I've been in an ongoing battle with food over the years. One minute we're friends, the next we're enemies. One minute it's comforting me, the next I can't stand to look at it. The root of this struggle stems from the way I view food. On a day when I work hard and late (and I'm privy to a company food allowance), what better way to reward myself than with a glass (or two) of wine, truffle fries, candy? Boss stressing me out, colleagues getting on my nerves, what's the cure? That good Baskin Robbins run...Pralines'n cream, chocolate chip cookie dough in a waffle cup of course. Or my new-new find - the birthday cake shake from Zaxby's (it's the devil!)

As I look back at pictures, I see the evidence of how my battle with food has yo-yo'd over the years. Summer 2008 #winning. Summer 2010 - not so much. Whether I admit it or not, the way I look in pictures affects my mood (and in some cases my memory). If someone says, "Hey girl, you remember Homecoming 2007...we had so much fun!", my mind automatically recalls an image of me in 2007 (bronze dress, micro-braids, one chip away) and in a matter of seconds, I can respond, "'07 was aight but you know which one was da bomb**??? Homecoming 2008!!!" (bandage dress sans equipment, defined "guns" and calves).

Sure, it's not all about what's on the outside but what's on the outside affects the inside and vice versa. I want to live a long, healthy life. I want to have my money in my pockets and not in the hands of insurance providers, doctors and pharmacists. I also don't want to pay for drinks, entry for the club, be hassled when I make store returns or be "that" friend - you know the one that stands in the back of the pics, always offers to take the pics or hates all the pictures she's in and secretly deletes your memories because she doesn't like how she looks in the pic (not that I've ever done that ;-/). The reality is people are influenced by your appearance including you!!! In having a conversation with my better half about my ever changing hair (topic to save for another day), he pointed out that I project my self-image onto other people thus influencing how they interact with me. So does he mean on those days when my freshly done hair is blowing in the wind, make-up is on point and stilettos on deck, people aren't checking for me because I look better but rather it's my confidence garnering the attention? n#$%@ please lol.

All that to say, it's time to make a change. Today I end my love affair with f@#d. Today I identify new ways to comfort myself, better ways to reward myself and steps to achieve an all around healthier lifestyle. I know I can't do it overnight but what I won't do is weightwatch, fat smash, quicktrim or any other unsustainable methods. I'm going old school - eat less/more responsibly and workout more. Revolutionary, I know. No more games. It's time to just do it.

Ice cream better MOUNT UP!!!